I am a hesitant man. Decisiveness is a mode with which I will fool around no more. It was OK when I was young and stupid – actually not that stupid. Now, the impetus to do, the certainty of my convictions, the deliberate attitude towards my choices, are no longer at my disposal. I am a hesitant man because I have no choice. And I must deal with it.
Hesitation is the art of not deciding, of leaving something for later, when once again I may hesitate and procrastinate. The hesitant person is not afraid of decision-making. Trying to make good choices is an integral part of the life of her mind. One simply cannot avoid analyzing, overanalyzing, the decisions to be made. The hesitant. however, loves the process so much that he avoids the ends.
To hesitate is to no longer trust your judgements and your believes. The former are capricious choices made only to be second guessed seconds later. The latter are the stuff of religion, and because the hesitant is always a skeptic about himself, all his beliefs last only until tomorrow.
I am a hesitant man. An undecided, procrastinating, skeptic hesitant. And it’s ok that way. Is it?